have i really gotten over it?

i wonder have i done what i should have done.. forgiven those i should forgive.. forget those that i should forget and let go what i cant have.. i doubt so.. as grim as things seem for me, i cant seem to concentrate at all.. constantly tired... keep having mental blocks in school and while playing... now before every game, i have to play music to keep my mind occupied if not i know i will think too much... and the consistent disconnection of my modem is not helping either.. its actually adding to my frustration.. there is 2 parts inside me now.. 1 is to rejoin mvp and go through all the nights.. but things will never be the same.. people now regard me differently than in the past and whats more is i left mvp.. it will show that i do not mean what i say etc etc... so there is a controversy here. then my another part tells me... now ur life is great.. just need to fully get over the mvp thing... either join another clan and play for them solo or just go on ur own and just play wcg and do ur best. and hopefully win something.. really.. this recent spate of events really make me think twice, if not trice, if not quadraple times.. what if? i do what if i dont? must i really weigh out all the good and bad points again? or maybe im just over estimating myself.. maybe if i want to join they wont let me join.. so like... yah.. wtf.. wasting my time.. to be honest, i really want to share my game exploits with people... but.. i cant.. and im unwilling to do so.. i need someone.. to be the light in the darkness period and show me the way.. tell me the correct choice and path to take... people resent me. people dislike me. people hate me. but in the end... will 1 word sorry be enough to make up for everything? haiss.. doubt so things are not so straight-forward as i think them to be.